The Definition and Design of Sex (why it's so much more than just a physical act)

Sex can be compared to fire. Fire is a good thing when it is properly used - it can warm you, it can create beautiful works of art like pottery and it can also light your path so that you can see where you are going. But when fire gets out of control it can be damaging and destructive.

Much like fire, sex is also a gift that when experienced the way it was intended - within the boundaries and commitment of marriage - it can be a wonderful thing. But when sex gets outside of its boundaries, it can be harmful and devastating.

Casual sex, friends with benefits, hook ups, flings, sexual experimentation….our culture has a very skewed perspective about sex. So let’s talk about the true definition of sex: Sex is a great gift designed by God for married people.  Sex was created for one man and one woman together forever, committed in a marriage relationship. Society has distorted the design for sex, but the truth is, when sex is enjoyed the way that it was intended to be enjoyed…within marriage…it retains its wholeness and can be enjoyed to the fullest.

The consequences of sex outside of marriage such as STDs and unplanned pregnancies are often talked about but what is less talked about, but is equally as impacting, is the emotional disconnect that happens when we have sex with someone other than our husband or wife. If we’re being honest, we recognize that each time we give ourselves sexually to someone who we are not married to, our emotional and spiritual well-being is affected. There is a pain we feel deep within ourselves when we reduce sex to a purely physical act. Sex is so much more than that. Sex is the fusion of two souls. So when we move from one sexual partner to the next, we have to first break away our soul that has been infused to that person through sex.

Think of it this way…when you have sex….you are being sewn or super glued together…but if you are not committed to that person…when you or your partner choose to walk away, you have to rip out the stitches and pull apart the flesh because sex is meant to bind you permanently. Is it any wonder then that casual sex causes some serious pain and scarring. Pain that we were never meant to experience because we were never meant to be separated, we were meant to stay connected for life. That is why when you have sex outside of its boundaries, it chips away at your soul and becomes more and more difficult to bond.Marriage was intended to protect us from pain not to keep us from pleasure. Sex within marriage is not meant to spoil our fun, but frees us to enjoy sex to the maximum.

The good news for anyone who has already experienced sex outside of marriage is that it is never too late to enjoy the fullness of sex. Healing is possible. You can’t go back and make a new beginning, but you can start today and create a new ending. Commitment to enjoying sex only within the protective walls of marriage is always possible. It’s a choice you can make today, no matter what happened yesterday. It’s a choice you won’t regret.

Heart to Heart: Displaced Devotion

I was listening to a webcast recently from Kyle Idleman and he talked about the subject of idols. (You know, all of those things that we make equal to or place above God?) And he shared a statement that sent shock waves through me. He said that we tend to take Christ off of the throne and put him on a loveseat with our idols. Think about that picture for a minute. We're talking about the King of Kings, the Creator of the Universe, the Almighty Savior who died for you and I. We've removed Him from His rightful throne and told him to share a couch with our sin. Or for some of us, we put that something or someone else in His place on the throne and don't even give Him a seat in our hearts at all.


What is it that you treasure most? What do you get the most joy out of? What is it that you spend the majority of your time focused on?  Is it a relationship? Money? Your career? Sex? Food? A sports team? Your appearance? Success? Pleasure? Who or what are you looking towards to satisfy you? What is it in your own life that you are putting before God? What are you making more valuable than Him? We can all fill in the blank with something that we have chosen to be first in our lives instead of God. I know I can. I unfortunately have put many things above him lately. But when I take an honest look into my own life, I can clearly see where my priorities have been grievously displaced. I have been asking these other things to do for me, what only God can do for me. I gave control over to these other passions and turned my worship from God  towards these lesser substitutes expecting to be satisfied.


Truth is that none of these things we put before God can save us. None of them can truly satisfy us. And none of them even compare to His glory. There is nothing wrong with enjoying things like relationships, success, etc. but it is when we allow these things to take center stage - to be the main focus in our lives - that is when they become idols and therefor are a distraction from God. We start to worship the gift instead of the Giver. Instead of allowing these gifts to enhance a deeper devotion to the One who blessed us with them in the first place we worship the gifts instead of God who gave them to us. God also gave us free will to choose where we place our devotion. And it is a decision we all must make for ourselves.

Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve...as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord. -Joshua 24:15

Heart to Heart: A Life Intended

Self-reflection is essential for personal growth. It is important for us to take an honest, introspective look at our own lives. Why? So that we can have a better understanding of our strengths and weaknesses as well as our purpose and goals. Too often we look to others as our comparison scale to see where we measure up, but it's really not fair to compare. Each of us are uniquely designed for an individual purpose and trying to fill another person's mold that we were not designed for is like a fish trying to climb a tree...we weren't created for that. The fact that we can't be like someone else doesn't make us more or less worthy, or talented, or desirable, it simply means we haven't embraced your ability to swim. We haven't acknowledged who we are and what we are capable of.

When we stop comparing ourselves to others and recognize our own natural, God-given purpose, then we will begin to live the fulfilling life that we were designed for...the life that God intended for us.

For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. 

-Jeremiah 29:11

How To: 5-Step Closet Makeover

1.) Edit Your Wardrobe 
For each item in your closet, ask yourself, "Would I buy this today?" and "Have I worn this in the past 12 months?" If the answer to either question is "no" then donate or toss it, depending on the condition.

2.) Arrange It Like A Boutique
Many shops arrange their clothing by item. Putting skirts with skirts, shirts with shirts, etc. will not only help your closet to look more uniformed but you will be able to find clothing items more easily if everything has it's place/category. If you want to take this a step further you can organize each category by color as well.

3.) Update It Seasonally
It's a good idea to reassess your wardrobe quarterly as a kind of inventory check so that you know what you should be shopping for throughout the year.

4.) Use Uniformed Organizing Solutions
Invest in all of the same kind of hangers and opt for clear or plastic boxes for a more uniformed, practical solution when organizing your closet.

5.) Stick To Your System
Recognize that staying organized is a learned habit, stay mindful of keeping your closet clean and organized and eventually it won't require much thought...staying organized will soon become second nature. Always put things back in their place immediately instead of waiting and doing it later because your closet is more likely to stay organized if you stay on top of it.

Happy Organizing! :)

image found HERE.

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10 Things I Would Tell My Teenage Self

If I could go back in time and tell my former, teenage self ten things to encourage and enlighten based upon what I know now through experience...that conversation would go a little something like this....





1.) All attention is not equal.  Wearing tiny skirts and low cut tops will attract attention...but it's not the attention you really want. People will turn their heads to look at a car wreck but it doesn't mean it's a good or positive thing to see. In the same way, dressing in revealing clothes may gain you attention but it doesn't give you what you really want...which is respect. Dressing modestly, on the other hand, is more like a shiny, polished, brand new car...attracting respect and awe. You choose how you want to represent yourself outwardly. Do you want to be the car wreck or the polished car?

2.) You are meant for so much more. What goes on inside those high school walls and within those high school days will not compare to the accomplishments and beautiful life that lay ahead of you. Don't get caught up in trends, popularity or peer pressure. They will fade, leave you feeling empty and can compromise your future.

3.) If you don't want anyone to find out, don't do it. If you feel the need to hide something, keep a secret or live in the shadows then chances are that something is not positive and could be potentially harmful to you or others. Live in the light.


4.) Sometimes your plans don't work out because God has better ones. God wants what is BEST for you. Seek His best even if that means His plan is not what you would have planned for yourself. It may take some time - maybe even years - for His full purpose to be revealed, but trust that He will never lead you wrong. Follow where He leads.

5.) Don't look back, you're not going that way. Everyone makes mistakes. Learn from them and move ahead.  Don't allow your past to hold you captive from pursuing a brighter future. It doesn't matter what you've done or where you've gone, all that matters is where you go from here.

6.) Smoking is NOT cool.  Your money, your health and your hygiene are literally going up in smoke. There is absolutely nothing beneficial about smoking. Don't waste your life on it.

7.) Stand for what is right...even if you stand alone. You can't please everyone. It's a fact of life. You can try to be popular in the eyes of others by simply going along with the crowd, but if you want to be a woman of character - one that can be truly admired - then there are times when you are going to have to choose boldness and risk criticism in order to do the right thing. But if your heart is in the right place, you will never be standing alone. Christ stands with you. Do not shy from who you truly are because of fear of abandonment or negative opinions from others. Don't lower to the world, raise toward heaven. God is easier to please than people are.

8.) Love can wait to give, lust can't wait to get. Having a sexual relationship outside of marriage is fundamentally a relationship for the present without any or little concern for the future of the relationship. This type of relationship is not total, but rather limited. Your future husband is waiting for you. He's been praying for you since he was nine-years-old. Trust me, he's worth waiting for.

9.) Singleness is NOT a curse. Being single is not some form of misfortune that you think you must get through before life can really begin. Enjoy that time to really discover who you are, what kind of contributions you can offer to this world that go beyond companionship. Give yourself time to grow into the woman God has created you to be and when love does come along (because it will) you will be able to share an already fulfilling life with that person. Think of it this way...if you were to write down a resume to give to your future husband what would you want to put on it? Use this time to build the qualities and skills that will shape you into a great wife..not a perfect wife, but one that strives to be a Proverbs 31 Woman. Look at singleness as training in faithfulness. Embrace this season in your life.

10.) You are enough. The world we live in is broken and throughout your  life you will hear all kinds of lies that tell you that you are not enough.  You are not thin enough. Your legs are not long enough.  Your clothes are not stylish enough.  Your chest is not big enough. You are not smart enough. You are not wealthy enough. You are not valuable enough. There is a beauty industry, a fashion industry, a television industry, along with all sorts of social groups and people that are trying to convince bright young women: your worth does not measure up. You must have the clarity and common sense to know that none of that is true. 


Don't let society and the things of this world influence you or trigger insecurities that will lead to you lowering your standards to less than God's best. You were created for a purpose. You have innate value. You are loved more than you could ever comprehend. There has never been, and there will never be another you. That's what makes you epic...makes you beautiful. You have unique contributions to offer the world and everyone will lose out if you are too fearful to share them. Fully embrace your uniqueness because you're the only one who can.

You are beautiful.  You are valuable.  You are enough.

What would YOU tell your former self if you could go back in time?

Heart to Heart: Beauty Is In The Eyes Of Our Creator

He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end. -Ecclesiastes 3:11

Do you ever feel unattractive? Maybe there are certain things about your appearance that you wish you could change. It's easy to look at others and see their beauty, but look at ourselves and see our imperfections. I think it is extremely important to first of all note, that almost everyone thinks this way. Most girls look at others and see their beauty and only see "flaws" in themselves. So you are your own biggest critic! But it's most important to know what God sees. Today's verse tells us that God has made everything beautiful in its time. He is our creator, and we are beautiful to Him! How comforting is that? God made you, and He made you beautiful.  If God made you beautiful, then He will show others your beauty as well. When He brings your future husband into your life, He will show him how beautiful you are. Who cares what everyone else thinks along the way?

Another important thing to note is that He has made everything beautiful "in its time". You might look at your acne in the mirror and think of how unattractive it is. First remember that no one notices it as much as you, then remember that God made you beautiful. It might just be part of puberty that passes, and in time, you will be acne free. Your issue might come more with a physical feature, maybe you think your nose is too big (or too small). While those things probably won't change, God can still use them to add to your beauty. Maybe your future husband finds that attractive, or maybe God wants you to learn to find it beautiful. God doesn't make mistakes. He made us beautiful, we just have to open our eyes to see us the way that He does.

Reflection:

Do you look in the mirror and see yourself as God's beautiful creation, or something less?

Application:

Spend today thanking God for making you beautiful! Praise Him for even the things about you that you don't find attractive, and ask Him to show you your beauty.

Prayer:

Heavenly Father, thank you so much for making me beautiful! Thank you for never making mistakes. Please show me my beauty, and help me to focus more on the beauty of your creation, and less on the things that I personally don't like. You are the perfect creator, who am I to pick apart what you designed to perfection? Thank you, Lord. In Jesus name I pray, Amen.

Heart to Heart: Sharing God's Grace

Are you selfish with grace?


Why do you look at the speck of sawdust in your brother's eye and pay no attention to the plank in your own eye? —Luke 6:41


It is so easy to see when other people are screwing up. We could sit there all day and point out flaws in other people's actions, especially those of other Christians. However, that isn't what God wants from us. I love that Jesus, the only perfect person to ever walk the face of the earth didn't do that. He could have. He is the only one who has ever had the right to cast stones, yet instead, He gave His life for us, so that we could be forgiven. But we don't offer grace like that. We are certainly happy to receive God's grace. We are thankful that He is so gracious towards us, but then we sit there and look down on others. We judge them because we don't think that they dress the right way, or talk the right way. We stick our noses up at others because we don't think that they are as good as we are, or worthy of our attention. I don't know about you, but I am certainly thankful that Jesus didn't treat us that way.

Unlike Jesus, who was perfect in every way, we are sinners. We sin every single day in some way or another. 1 John 1 says that if we say we have not sinned we make Christ out to be a liar, and if we say that there is no sin in us we deceive ourselves. We sin; all of us, each and every one of us sin. But instead of working through our own salvation, we focus on the sins of others. It may make us feel a whole lot better, but it isn't what God wants from us. He doesn't want us to hoard His grace all to ourselves, but to show that same grace to others. Jesus didn't die for our sins alone, but for the sins of the world. That includes the lady at church who frequently gossips about others. That includes the sins of your best friend, even if they are sins against you. It includes the sins of our parents, of our peers, teachers, and family.

Reflection:
Do you offer the same grace to others as God has offered to you? Or are you busy casting stones and worrying about others sins instead of your own?

Application:
Every time you catch yourself judging someone, compliment them on something that they do well. Even if it is someone clear across the room, walk over and compliment them. If it is someone who you aren't with, pick up a phone and call them just to tell them something nice.

Prayer:
Heavenly Father, I am so selfish with your grace! Please forgive me. I have been casting stones and pointing out their flaws instead of working on my own shortcomings. Help me to encourage others, even in my thoughts. Help me to focus on my own sins, and grow closer to you. My walk with you is the only one that I have control over, so help me to focus my thoughts on sharing your grace, and growing in my love for you. In the name of your Son I pray. Amen.



Written by Heather Hart

Heart to Heart: Know Your Worth

"We need to teach our daughters to distinguish between a man who flatters her, and a man who compliments her.
A man who spends money on her, and a man who invests in her.
A man who views her as property, and a man who views her properly.
A man who lusts after her, and a man who loves her.
A man who believes he is God's gift to women, and a man who remembers a woman was God's gift to man.
... And then teach our sons to be that kind of a man."

5 Tips For Making The Most Of Your High School Experience

We all approach back to school time with different attitudes. Some of us are anxious and terrified, others are anxious and excited. The best attitude to have whether this is your first year at a new school or not is a positive one. If you go in with a positive attitude you are more likely to have a positive experience. Instead of entering the year with a sense of dread and despair, go into the experience with reasonable expectations and a set of positive goals. Here are a few things to consider as you start the new school year that will help you to make the most of your experience.

1.) Stay True To Yourself.
Know what your standards and convictions are and stay true to them. Pressures are all around us and can often be more intense within the school setting. We all have this longing for acceptance and desire to be popular or well-liked but don't compromise your morals or your goals in order to please others. Each time you give in to pressure and do something you don't really want to do and you know is not truly in your best interest (whether it be drugs, sex, or cheating on an exam) you are settling for second best. The truth is you are EPIC and deserve an EPIC future. Don't blow future opportunities because you gave in to unwanted pressures. It may help you to write a list of goals and expectations for yourself and keep this list in your locker or backpack or somewhere you can easily return to it so you can frequently remind yourself of your bright future and ask yourself what choices will help you reach your goals as well as what choices will negatively effect your goals.


2.) Choose Your Friends Carefully.
Good friends promote good choices and bad company corrupts good morals. Having good, sound friends will help you stay strong in your convictions and assist you in reaching your goals by reinforcing healthy choices and good decisions. We choose who we surround ourselves with. Surround yourself with friends who will strengthen and encourage you to live a healthy lifestyle and who keep your best interest in mind. Keep in mind that good friends aren't always the popular people.


3.) Avoid Serious Relationships
If you are in high school, realize that few meet their future spouse during those years. You have plenty of time; there is no need to get into an intense relationship now. Most people find their spouses in college (or later) and do not get married until after graduation. The best foundation for any relationship is friendship. Start things off with a long, healthy friendship. After time, it should be clear if both of you desire the commitment of a relationship. There's no need to rush into it. Use this time to also decide if you're even ready to be in a relationship that could lead to marriage. Use your high school years to enjoy time with your friends and learn about yourself as an individual. Save serious relationships for when you are more prepared to support a spouse and family should it progress to that.


4.) Get Involved.
Boredom is the number one reason we lose our self control and get involved in negative activities. Keep  yourself occupied with good friends, service work, sports, healthy hobbies, and other positive interests. The less idle time you have, the less likely you will be involved in destructive activities. Find something beneficial that you enjoy doing and will keep you on the right track towards your goals.


5. Have Fun!
High school is the stepping stone into adulthood. It's meant to be a time where you learn the necessary skills and knowledge to be a successful adult so that after graduation you will be more prepared for the independence and responsibility that comes with adulthood. But it's also a time where you can enjoy certain freedoms that come with being a teenager. It's important to study hard and get good grades but it's also valuable to build good relationships with your fellow classmates, make memories that you will treasure for years to come and relish in the fact that at this stage in your life your responsibilities are minimal so enjoy that simplicity. Have fun!